In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
soo... how was my night?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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