Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
