dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
