i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
