just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
