In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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