I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
