Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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