I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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