We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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