Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
