I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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