im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
