KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Please don't give away my fajitas
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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