i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
