The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
