No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
