i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm gonna fight the coyote
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
