Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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