i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
