he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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