he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize