so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
