Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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