I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
