Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
