he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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