Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
