yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
