Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
