babies were throwing up all over the place
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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