i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
