we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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