I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
