I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We need to get me chipped asap
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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