Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
