Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
