I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think people are normalizing furries
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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