I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
