Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
