i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
