So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
