dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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