I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
