420 ftw
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
