I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had to cum in my sink.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
