I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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