you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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