Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
