ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
