she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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