saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
