id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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